How to molest children properly

Provocative title notwithstanding, this is a serious blog post. When I was a little boy, I had a number of encounters with older girls and women, plus some with same-age girls who were ahead of me in development. Some of these experiences were enjoyable and I have fond memories of them to this day. Some were confusing or embarrasing. And yet others were traumatic and gave me nightmares. If you are into a young boy, you are playing with fire, because it is very hard to go about it in a way that guarantees positive outcome for the boy. Here I want to give you some guidance and explain why it might be worth the risk.

While I base a lot of this on personal experience, I also have other sources that I have personally verified. I am not revealing any details to protect everyone involved. I am writing this from boy's point of view. I suspect that most of this applies to girls too, but girls are more often encouraged to view these experiences negatively and through feminist lens. Many people are surprised when they hear this, but it's normal for women to be attracted to young boys. Women are just more hesitant to act on their desires for various reasons, especially now with all the child abuse scare.

It goes without saying that sexual contact done with intent to harm is traumatic. Most sexual encounters between children and adults or teens are however meant to be enjoyable for both sides. Forget the sleazy perv from movies. Think older cousin, summer camp leader, or classmate's mother. Things can however quickly go sideways despite good intentions. I want to help you to do things right.

It matters who you are

Before you attempt anything, ask yourself who you are:

• Encounters with attractive teens and younger adults (up to about 40) tend to create fond memories. On the other hand, if you are old and obese, the experience is very likely to be viewed as traumatic later on.
• Most kids will grow to be heterosexual, so avoid homosexual encounters, which are likely to be seen negatively once the kid grows old enough to understand them.
• Incest is a total taboo. Most people have anti-incest instinct that kicks in during puberty and makes them puke when they remember anything that smacks of incest. This applies to direct relatives: own children and grandchildren. Cousins are fair game. Nephews are a bit risky but probably okay.
• Consider your standing with people who are important to the kid. If you are already disliked by everyone, the kid might suspect you and it will be easy for others to turn him against you. If you are generally liked, the kid will probably like you too, trust you, and be open to play.

Prepubescent boys

As you go about your advances, observe a few rules:

• Avoid coercion, force, and threats. Your goal is to lure, not to control. Coercion is virtually guaranteed to be traumatic. If everything is voluntary however, the experience will be most likely remembered as positive.
• Keep it age-appropriate. It's hard to say what this means, because boys enjoy different things as they grow and there are individual differences between boys. You can always ask or try if you are gentle and careful.
• Anything sudden or unexpected is scary, so go slow and steady. Gradually build up the relationship. Get the boy used to your presence and casual touching.
• Watch his face. Smiling, laughing, or playful anticipation mean you can continue. Any negative emotion means you have to pull back. Don't make a big deal of it and he won't either. If there's lingering distrust, ask what's up, clear up any misunderstandings, and agree on what's okay. Kids are used to being touched a lot, so they might not even respond to your interest. If you see indifference, it's probably okay to continue.
• Games with double meaning work well. Especially younger kids don't need to be bothered with your complicated feelings. They will however understand once they reach puberty, so don't think that double meaning will protect you from later scrutiny.
• No silent, sly groping though. If you act like you are committing a crime, you will be seen and treated like a criminal. Instead, be playful, daring, and communicate a lot. Be visible, understandable, and predictable. You are in it to give as much as you receive. Kisses, touching, tickling, and dares are all generally welcome if you play it right.
• Keep it public as much as possible. Attract attention during the more innocent games. Earn trust and approval of people closest to the boy. Get them to condone the relationship. If the boy likes you, people will tolerate a lot of borderline stuff. You can always go a little further when you are left alone and then dismiss it as play if it comes to light. You can get away with more if you are protected, like a cousin, or adored by the boy, like a summer camp leader.
• Nothing is strictly off-limits. Touching and kissing on and around penis is okay if other rules are followed. Prepubescent boys, especially preschoolers, don't make a big deal of it.
• Talking about sex and saying dirty jokes is also fine. It's always a good idea to ask the boy to keep a secret, but boys this young aren't reliable, so be prepared to weather possible embarrassment.
• Nudity is sometimes okay, but beware that many boys feel ashamed and vulnerable when naked, both younger and older, so don't press it if you encounter reluctance or uncertainty.
• Don't worry if you screw up a bit. Kids forget quickly, particularly younger ones. Nobody is a curmudgeon this early. There wouldn't be grudges, especially if you are generally nice and fun to be with.

Boys in puberty

When you are into a boy who is in puberty, things get both simpler and more complicated:

• It's a mistake to think that young boys are only into young girls. Believe in yourself. Boys in puberty are flooded with strong emotions. You look as sexy to him as any other woman or girl. He is perfectly capable of falling in love with you just like an older man would.
• If the boy likes you, it may feel safe to wait for him to make the first step. Some boys wouldn't do that at that age though and you might have to be more active than with older men.
• With boys this age, it's better to seek privacy, even just some distance from others. They don't need (and often despise) company of relatives. They feel comfortable with strangers. Privacy protects the boy from embarrassment should he make a mistake and it eases some of the self-consciousness.
• Boys in puberty look and feel much like older men, but they lack the experience, confidence, and clear goals of older men. They are complicated, tight-lipped, often silly, and sometimes volatile. Keep it slow and steady even if the boy appears to like you. Be forgiving, open, and lighthearted and you might well become his teacher of love if you play it right.
• Boys this age are perfectly capable of sex and you might well succeed in getting railed the first day, but it's usually not that simple. Boys in puberty generally need more time to understand feelings, both theirs and yours, and to learn how to work with them. The prospect of sex might well scare them. They are more likely to do something wrong and ruin it. Go slow and steady. Have patience and forgiveness.
• If the boy lacks confidence, it might be tempting to take advantage of the situation and assume dominant role. Don't do it. You will ruin it. Even boys in puberty usually need to be the dominant partner. Be respectful and give him space and time for his own initiative.
• No stalking. No covert crushes. No lies (he will see through them). No manipulation. Be open and direct (but still slow and steady).

What crime is this anyway and who is actually being punished?

I don't feel comfortable with today's harsh criminalization and stigma of child sexual abuse. We don't even have a nice term for it. I am alternating between innuendos (encounters, experience, advances), illustrative details (touching, kisses), and tongue-in-cheek repurposing of legal terms (child sexual abuse, molestation). The latter is problematic, because these terms were designed to be inherently negative, but perhaps the absurdity of giving "abuse" positive meaning reflects absurdity of the legal system declaring that positive experiences constitute abuse.

Would I want any of the women and teens who played sexy games with me or just flirted with me to be punished? No. Absolutely no. I am actually thankful for the experience. I even had a crush on some of them during puberty. Why would I ever want to punish someone I care about? Someone who was nice to me? Even where there is trauma and I have no positive feelings left for the perps, I think punishment is not right, because the trauma was never intended. People are just stupid and they make stupid mistakes. Punishing them would solve nothing. It would just add more suffering on top of what has already happened. The only cases where punishment is warranted are those, in which sexual abuse was part of a wider bullying campaign, but I would hesitate even in those cases, because there's no proportionality to it and thus no justice. It's just an insane witch hunt.

Sensitization of society and introduction of child sexual abuse as a separate crime were measures ostensibly intended to protect children, but I feel like more harm than good has been done. There's massive collateral damage and children are within its range. Kids are treated like toxic material, to be avoided, isolated, and handled with thick gloves. Men are disappearing from children's lives. Natural prepubescent and pubescent sexuality is being suppressed. People closest to the child are at risk of having their life ruined. When that happens, the kid is first traumatized by having to testify against someone they love, then having that someone taken away from them, and finally by the inevitable feeling of guilt believing it's all their fault. It looks like the law is not really intended to protect children but rather to protect the abstract idea of innocent, asexual childhood, in some cases stretched up to 18 years of age. If you look at it this way, children themselves are perpetrators breaking the law and punishing them makes perverse, twisted sense.

Why we need more pedophiles

The above subtitle is tongue-in-cheek, of course. Nobody should ever wish harm to children. It's just that I don't believe that most of what currently falls under molestation umbrella constitutes real harm to children. You can of course say that it's better to be safe than sorry, but that safety comes at great cost to children. Some of the costs are detailed in previous section. That's all collateral damage though, which would make for a poor argument. because people would claim it can be fixed, so let's consider direct damage.

Children are missing out on valuable experience. This is particularly troubling for boys who are expected to play active and dominant role in a relationship with much more mature girls (remember that girls have puberty earlier). That adds to the already high difficulty of forming a relationship between two inexperienced teens. Experience gained with an older girl or woman, a "teacher of love", can save boys a lot of frustration. Even prepubescent children benefit from romantic role-play and light erotic games in complex ways. Teens and adults do not have to play any special role in relationships with children though. Sometimes it's just a crush that should be given a chance to grow, regardless of who initiated it, if there's mutual interest. And some relationships are just ambiguous, in which case focus should be on mutual enjoyment rather than legally imposed boundaries.

To make this practical and low-risk for the participating adult women, current legislation and public image concerning child sexual abuse must be scaled down quite a bit. Definition of abuse must be narrowed to actual and intentional harm. And at that point, it's better to completely remove it from the law, because intentional harm is already covered elsewhere in the law. Meanwhile, let's be thankful for those willing to accept the risk, take off the hazmat suit, and give children a bite of the sweetest cake in the world.